on a day like today...

to quote a great movie, all you can say is...

"two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it!!!"

this is why i don't cook

in attempt to eat better i having been trying to cook at home more, follow recipes, for me self torture.  today this is what happened, a sprinkle of thyme turned into 3 tablespoons worth. i think you can have too much thyme.

outsmarted by a container of bean sprouts

why the heavy over the top tamper resistant container for sprouts.
did some kid o.d. on them.
did some guy in the 80's poison 10,000 containers of them.
are only smart and strong people suppose to eat them.

i finally ripped the lid of completely and put them in a baggie. stupid tamper resistant packaging, i hate you.

grocery store

i hit the grocery store at 10pm on the end of this holiday weekend...
the guy in front of me had a 6 pack of corona and mud pie ice cream
i had a bottle of red wine and a pack of cookies
girl behind me, ground beef, pack of buns and can a manwhich
guy behind her, a frozen pizza and 2 40 oz cans of beer

i think it was a rough weekend

be careful what u joke about

when u live in a state with brothels, and u make a riskey business style joke about house sitting u have to be careful about who is listening they might take u seriously.

guilty pleasure

duran duran pandora station. yes i do love it.

things that suck

carding someone who was born the same year you graduated high school!

world turtle day

today is world turtle day i mentioned this to a co-worker and he said "what does that mean?" my response... "you should go home and pet your turtle extra long today"

i know this is soooo wrong but...

two younger peeps came in for lunch carrying a bible first thought...can i bring a flask and lunch to church second thought...did they not want fries because fries cooking in oil reminds them of burning in hell

baby talk

if a woman is even flirting near the age of menopause baby talk becomes the most disgusting thing ever!!

funny

u know the bumper sticker..."if you are gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair" the guy driving the car was bald.

is this weird?

it rained today. where i am at this is a rare. my first thought is shit i just washed my dog's favorite toy and i think he left it outside when i left for work. yup i'm that person.