a new reality

I feel like any past relationships/marriages, carried us thru our doe eyed happiness. They made us strong enough to get thru.  At one point we cherished this person. Then we had to realize we had to cherish ourselves. I hope we all can find moments to remember why we loved so fiercely because in this moment we let our guard down enough for our life now.

Fall is my favorite season because...

I can go get groceries and reward myself with a beer after without my groceries hating me.

Breaking up is hard to do

Bad habits are hard to break up with. I broke up with mine of biting my nails almost two weeks ago. Tonight we "hooked up". It was wicked and fun for like 15 minutes. I know in the morning I'll have to take the walk of shame.

8 am

You might still be drunk when you are trying to make your teddy bear "twerk" to the song "milkshake" at 8 am.
Happy Friday.

things i have learned

my mom always came home from work between 3:20-3:30 pm. In the summer she always tried to keep us out of trouble and gave us a long list of chores.  I always got a little creative...at 2:30pm i would tackle that list. Other than laundry i pulled that moment in, "adventures in babysitting" how fast can u clean before a parent walks through the door.

Today i still clean this way, and always think about my mom.

Barbie Girl

I just used all 4 colors of my eye shadow. Chromosome x finally won.

Weight

U know its time to go to the laundrymatt when u are contemplating gaining or losing weight because then u will fit into your fat/skinny clothes and can wait a few more days.

bad dog mom

you know you need to spend more time with your dogs when the following happens...
one pees a little on the carpet cause u sit on the floor to give him lots of pets and the other one...
who always eats won't unless you stand right next to her.

time to make dog time.

Cleaning

I'm not fond of cleaning in fact I hate it, it hates me too.

I just broke my bra scrubbing my stove.

Online shopping

I mostly online shop. I really never inherited the shopping gene. I hate going into almost every store. Lately my vast wealth has been spred to other ventures than the online spots I used to frequent. I've been getting the friendly emails like, "we miss come back for 10% off" or giving me free shipping. I'm tempted to start playing them off each other...
Well this site gave me 25% off and tickets to L.A. I'll shop at yours for 40% off and a new washer and dryer.
I know I'm weird, but I sure would like the washer and dryer.

Romance 2014 style

My boyfriend and I are moving in together. I should say I'm moving into his place. Its definitely a dudes place. He's been there for a few years and have had several buddies couch surf at different points. Its definitely going to need "finessing." The other day he said..."I was thinking I'll take down everything off the walls so we can decide together what we want and where." Yup I got a good one.

My dreams crack me up

I just woke up from a dream where my high school reunion was at a secret government building. We had to follow clues to get there. I accidentally overheard some government secret while trying to find the bathroom. A classic chase scene ensued. Don't worry I happened to come across a t-rex who protected me because I would find and feed him wild mushrooms. When I finally got back to the reunion it was just in time for breakfast. We had an awesome buffet. I had blueberry waffles.

Maybe this is why I have never gone to a reunion, but I am hungry for blueberry waffles.

Research

I read a while ago that partners who reversed roles...stay at home dad, working mom, the woman was more likely to cheat.  I'm not sure about that but at midnight when my man is STILL working I have no problem dropping off food and a tall can because last night he unclogged a drain and cleaned the sink. Relationships are like cocktails you always have to keep a balance otherwise it just taste nasty.

Auto correct

Ah yes auto correct u make me laugh.
I keep a list on my phone of things I need to buy. Ever since watching the movie birdcage a million years ago I have always referred to aspirin as pirin. (Go watch the movie again its a funny scene.) My auto correct changed it to Putin. I cannot see me ever needing to buy or even rent the Russian president.

Travel thoughts

U know its been a long travel day when u have rewrite your travel info on your hand

Every airport bar should have outlets underneath

When did espresso become so last year compared to coconut water

Soap dispensers are really sensitive, but my sweater is cleaner

Its hard

Its hard not make fun of country music sometimes.
I just caught the tail end of a song called, "beer with your name on it"

Just a thought

If u r hiding the person u r with from the world wide web...
What r u hiding about the person from yourself?

you know when...

You know when your out at night and you think to yourself...thats super funny i should write that down so i remember it tomorrow. I always do. Most times i can read my writing, lately i've been putting in my phone. this is the latest..."20 pkusiys good Dcto take a sjitvtob PPP hotot"
I'm not real sure what that says.
Alcohol 1
Me typing on alcohol 0

Somewhere...

Today somewhere an aging hippie's pacemaker is working overtime.
I found a cool vintage blood, sweat, and tears T-shirt at a resale shop a while ago. It just is too big. Today me and a pair of scissors made it more wearable.
Take your Bayer aspirin and drink your kale smoothie...it wasn't in mint condition anyhow.

I'm not lazy

I'm really not...
with that said i did not inherit the exercise gene. in fact i don't think any person on either side of my family ever had the gene. i think sometime in the early 1900's somebody had the gene and suffocated it with donuts and potatoes. today i wish i was rich, lipo sounds way more appealing than the work out routine i just downloaded, but i'm not so off i go, but i am not happy about it. maybe ill stick a pen into one of those giant exercise balls. destroying an inanimate object for no reason seems appropriate.

What if...

what if instead of sleeping in on your day off you got up earlier...okay i know this is waaaaaaay easier for me because my work days i usually wake up around 9:30am. today started before 8am, and have packed a day full of fun in before 1pm with plenty more hours to go.

Karma is alive and well

I was walking to work yesterday. On my way I witnessed a dude texting and walking...he walked directly into a parked bike. I laughed so hard I tripped on the sidewalk and almost face planted. Ah karma.

I couldn't even make this sh*t up

So i went dr. office the other day, when i over heard the
70 year old man at the window next to me say, and i quote...
"so how long is it gonna take to get this std testing shit done with"
ah yes...i guess someone needs to have "the talk" with grandpa.

Try something new everyday

Today I tried poaching eggs for the first time in my life. I give my efforts a B-...
Funny I got that a lot in college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll bathe a cat.

Closet ninja

When u live in under 700 sq feet. U gotta be creative. Almost every article of clothing and pairs of shoes is in this closet and yet my friends say they hardly ever see me in the same clothes. Yes I have a lot of shit and yes they must not pay attention...lol

fyi

its not beautiful nor romantic to watch the sun come up from a 24 hour bar.
and no one inside looks pretty with the warm glow of the sunrise on their intoxicated face.

fashionista strikes again

it was a beautiful morning so i decided to walk to work. at the end of my shift i headed home, let my dog out, and was relaxing when i realized i just walked the mile and a half home with a bar towel sticking out of my back pocket. yup models beware i'm too sexy....

Hells yeah!

I got carded at the store today. First time in a while so it was awesome! To make it even better the woman behind the counter said "no way...there is no way this is your birthday, you look way to young to be that old."
Hells yeah!

Gross

I don't know what's worse...that I have used an entire box of Kleenex in 24 hours or that I've swallowed so much snot I'm not even hungry. I know tmi.

Fashionista

Was feeling pretty good about myself yesterday. I went to the gym, ran a bunch of errands, and cleaned my house. The whole time in my gym clothes. Not until I was getting ready to shower did i notice...
I did all of this with my gym pants on inside out.
I'm sure the people at the gym enjoyed reading the label info while i did squats and lunges.

Dream Big

I had a dream i was living in Hawaii and working at a kick ass restaurant right on the ocean. So i did what anyone else would do when i woke up. I hit craigslist to look for a job in Maui and found a great one. Then i googled how to move your dog there. Now i just need someone to give me a big wad of cash so i can make it happen.

Punk Rock Girl

I HATE when i have to set an alarm. I mean really hate it. So the mornings i do because i have to work a day shift its important to turn that frown up side down. It usually involves a good punk song. Last week my boyfriend came to visit during on of these sessions. He said "I love that you are listening to punk rock music at 9am. I know I'm dating someone cool." Awe i'm dating someone awesome who loves that i'm listening to punk rock at 9am.

Big birds are scary

A hawk dropped its lunch in my yard.  A dead robin. It then proceeded to guard it. I left it for him and went to work. He must of grabbed it thank goodness it was gone when I got home. Wtf. My yard is tiny and I don't need big bird guarding it.

Weird flashback

I almost burned my neck with a curling iron today.
It remind of the time i actually did it on purpose to cover a hickey.
Too bad my hair was really short at the time and i never curled it.
I think my parents saw thru my attempted disguise.

Dreams are funny

Last night I dreamed I was a contestant on Americas next top model. I hated my outfit. Right before I found out if I made the cut my alarm went off. The skinny girl trapped inside me will just have to wait another day.

Memory jog

I found a way to get my boyfriend to remember my bday. Its my security code on my phone and he has a really crappy phone and always wants to borrow mine for photos and crap.

PSA

Shaving cream really stings when it shoots into your eye.

The more than you know.

i am not a day person

yesterday i wore my leggings to work inside out.
this is what happens when i have to be to work in the am.

Hammock

6 months ago today my mom died. Today is beautiful and after work I am enjoying a beer in my hammock. I giggle as I sit. A few days before she passed I had the last coherent phone conversations with her. I went to sit on my hammock to chat and I fell backwardass off and it and knocked the wind out of myself. I think she thought I was crying cause it took me a minute to catch my breath. Today it makes me giggle and I'm sure she is too. Anyone that knows me knows I can only punctuate a life event by falling on my ass...and I wouldn't want it any other way.

oversleeping

So I had a dream I overslept and I had to figure out what to wear quick. The perk is when I woke up I had overslept but i knew exactly what to wear. That's productive sleep.

New words to live by

I recently subscribe to an art magazine. Beyond the awesomeness of pages and pages of amazing art the interviews are awesome and change my perspective of that moment of my life...
For example, paraphrasing
Sometimes I don't leave the house for days but shit starts getting weird...who am I kidding shit gets weird right away.
I can totally relate.

super sad face!

my birth control pill just rolled under the fridge. that's no good.

bagels

i love bagels but i hardly ever buy them because i'm completely obsessed with making sure whatever i spread on it doesn't end up in the hole. by the time i finish the bag i'm done with the effort for a while.

A couch

I moved into my own place a while ago. For a long time now I refused to let any piece of furniture in that I didn't pack, load and unload bymyself. A few days ago a friend gave me a couch. My dog slept on his back in front of it. I think its gonna be okay.

monday's greeting card...

Hi
You've been identity thefted
Sorry
Have a nice day.