read directions

okay there are always things you can just "wing it on"
but
the following turn out much better if you follow the directions

1. jiffy pop
2. any piece of  "some assembly required" furniture that you want to support your wait
3. pregnancy tests

2 things i thought i'd never say

i used a whisk for cooking for the 3rd day in a row.

i finished a cucumber and a bag of lettuce before it went bad.

wiggle your big toe

some nights you just need a chick flick
you grab a bowl of popcorn, a glass of wine, and a box of tissue
you put a dvd in and get comfy

my favorite chick flick is....

kill bill
no better movie to show you hard core females!!

okay the only reason i need the tissues is to clean up the wine i spill acting out the fight scenes

the loss of a friend

i finished a chapstick today
one of my favorites
it was like losing a friend
not a friend that you see alot and has to move away...
but the "work friend" that you use to go to happy hour once in a while with but you can't anymore cause she got promoted to middle management and you are scared if you get drunk with her you might say something that will affect your 2 weeks of paid vacation a year type friend.
i miss you middle management chapstick

i'm too old for this sh*t

walked down to local dive bar in the wee hours of the morning for a final final with some friends.
you know that drink after you say "this is my last one and then i'm leaving"
i'm at and age where i don't think about bring my i.d.
c'mon dude at the door, if i got preggers in highschool i could be your mommy
so i get there and get carded, so i can't go in
i start walking away and some young girl wearing cowboy boots, daisy dukes, and a plaid shirt tied just below her double dd's (rodeo is in town)
vommits up her vodka red bull in front of me.
guys...hint...never give a 100 lb girl a 3rd vodka redbull.

and yes i'm too old for this sh*t

but alas you will see me do this again

cartoon carcasses

riddle my yard
an armless pooh
an earless dumbo
a legless tigger

why does my dog love appendages.

he can't pass them...i found pooh's arm in one piece in his poo.

just thought i'd share

help

okay if you are one of the 3 people reading this
please share
if you like this blog please share with your frineds
i want to make millions one day!

setting an example

i hate bugs in my house
ants, spiders etc...you are not welcome
ESPECIALLY SPIDERS!

i killed one last week, it stung me as it perished. i immediately went one line to see if i needed to dial 911
alas no its sting is ..."rather painful to humans but non poisonous"
it still pissed me off
a few days ago there was a big black (possibly black widow) spider crawling across my kitchen wall, i grab a shoe and smashed it against the wall
i left his dead carcass there
as an example to all other spiders
you are not welcome here
i haven't seen one since
it must me working

people i hate

skinny people
taught to like vegetables
and running
u know who u are
you enjoy green foods
and running for hours
and probably yoga
i hate you

good clean fun

seeing a big muscley guy at the landromat with a large PURPLE bottle of fabric softner, yes it had the litttle fuzzy bear on it.
it always makes me giggle

what's worse

eating a whole bag of chips...?

drinking a whole bottle of wine...?

i'll let you know when i get to the bottom of one or both.

shredding

when i shred old personal/financial info i secretly think it's to start a secret new life in the witness protection program or as a secret agent with lots of cool gadgets.

my dog is scared of...

my dog is scared of petco
we walk thru the motion sensered doors just fine, pass the ferets, tiny birds and fish.
we get to the dog bones and toys and he is fine as we get closer to the dog food he starts freaking out and looks like bambi on ice as his feet start moving independently of each other on the clean tile floor. as i look at another possible new food for my active finickey eater, he pulls and pants.

why is he scared...all of his favorite things come from this store.
it would be like me being scared of a liqour store.

put away day

okay so as u noticed i did laundry afew days ago.
i'm finally getting around to putting it away.
the main reason is, i just didn't feel like it.
but another is i need to wait a few days to get more clothes dirty so i have room to put the clean ones away.
and still my thought tooday is "damn i have way too many clothes"
sub thought...
crap i can't go thirft shopping this weekend cause i'll just by more clothes.
cause who can turned down a $4 lucky brand tank top, and i always find one.

laudromat

why is it when u r moving your clothes from the washers to the dryers, your most embarressing article of clothing drops on the floor.

june 5

it snowed

freeze warnings

enough said!

when i am blue

today i woke up a little blue.
so i did what most chicks do to cheer themselves up....

i detailed my car inside and out.

then it rained

you know that one site...

where u can sell stuff

i am truly addicted

considering driving 40 miles tomorrow for a look at a chair/chaise lounge/couch/turtle/trimmer

okay maybe i just want to go for a drive

rascals

ok, psa time (public service announcement)

if you chose to "drive" drunk on your rascal

please don't  go down a one way street the wrong way

you are just too easy to hit, i prefer more of a challenge.