Karl is not my friend

Karl came into my life a few days ago
abrasive, ugly and annoying
almost painful to associate with daily
i worked with him and against him to get more of what i wanted
but he had a mind of his own
i hate karl
he annoys the shit out of me
and makes me feel ugly.

karl is the zit on the side of jaw
i named it because its huge and awful
and i hate the name karl
if it is there tomorrow
im making it a little felt beret
cause i hate berets.

keys

i think the more "accessories" you have other than keys on your key chain is directly proportional to how crazy you are.

one or two just normal amount of crazy...the amount we all are

three or more tilting more towards craaaaazzzzzzyyyy!

pastels

i'm not a big into pastel colors
more of a basic black kind of girl
but there are times when i love pastels...

purple roses
strawberry milkshakes
blueberry spit, when you eat a bunch of blueberries and then brush your teeth and when u spit its a pretty liliac color

happy finds

i just found a sleeve of wafer crackers to enjoy with some cheese and apple.
i was so happy, i just got home from work tired and hungry.
these little crackers made my day.

i don't think it is as good of a find as the cops finding my friends' stolen car yesterday
but finding things you lost or didn't know you had

always a good thing

friendship

thank goodness for friends
when i'm left to entertain myself
i'm far to productive
today is that day
man i'm tired
i need more friends

its just hot

life gets boring when its this hot
everyone moves slower
people are just crabby
the only good thing is you see alot more people out at 11pm
hopefully something interesting will happen today

i would hate to have to start getting introspective and thought provoking

a funny thing happen on the way down the mountain

went hiking today, on the way back down, we turned the corner and my dog stopped in its tracks. i looked up to see a llama laying in the middle of the trail.. there was another one standing a little further ahead looking back in disgust at its partner who was slowing it down. they were being led by two gay guys. 

i assumed the llamas name's were Laverne and Shirley because what else would two gay guys name their pet llamas that they take hiking.

ode to the drunk idiot behind the wheel on the forth of july

you behind the wheel that had AT LEAST one too many
you might have nothing to live for but i have plenty

next time you decide to have just one more
please call one of the hundred fucking cabbies to your door

the damage was minor when you blew thru that red
next time you pull that we all might be dead.

you scared the hell out of me and then drove away
you chicken shit you win asshole of the day

im sure the way you acted wasn't a fluke
next time please pass out in your own puke!!!!

mike vs. macgyver

okay the night set out to see magic mike
okay at the end of the day i dont have a penis
so we were going to see hot guys strippin'

alochol got in our way
a bottle of processco to  be exact
we walked to the movie theater

oops 40 minutes late

so we drank more

2 more martinis and we walked backed to our cars

my friend lost her keys...they were on the passenger seat of her car.
her driver side window was open 2 inches.
an antennae and a ladel later we were in

fuck mike
we are macgyvers!!!!